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Jim´s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."
"Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn´t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." the agent replied.
Julie, after a pause, said, "Well, in that case, I´d like to cancel the policy on my husband."
First line to write in exams:
“All the answers written below are imaginary and work of my creative mind.
Any resemblance to text book is unintentional and purely accidental”
An old man was invited by an old friend.
He was impressed by his buddy using Honey, Darling, Love etc. for his wife.
Before leaving he asked to his friend:
It’s sweet.
After 70 years u still call ur wife with such cute names.
The old man replied (whispering):
Her name had slipped off my mind 10 years ago & I am very scared to ask what it is. :p
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed! :rolleyes:
Kalmadi: Where is SHERA
Shiela Dixit: I sent him to Zoo.
Kalmadi: Why
Shiela Dixit: He was injured by your False Ceiling. :rolleyes:
Kalmadi: Kabaddi Kabaddi Kabaddi :eek:
Shiela Dixit: Kabaddi Kabaddi Kabaddi :eek:
Child Sent to Bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"
Smartest thing Santa ever did,
He changed all his passwords to 'incorrect'
So whenever he forgets, the computer will remind him,
Your password is 'incorrect'. ;)
डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- तुम इस दुनिया में अब सिर्फ दो घंटे के मेहमान हो। क्या तुम मरने से पहले किसी को देखना चाहते हो?
मरीज (डॉक्टर से)- जी हां।
डॉक्टर- किसे?
मरीज- एक अच्छे डॉक्टर को।.....
In a factory A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly. CEO of that factory came and asked his salary. Man replied 5000 sir...... CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him "I pay people here to work and not to waste time. This is ur 3 months salary. Now get out of here. Never come back". That guy left. Then CEO asked workers "who was that guy?" workers replied "courier boy sir...........
" Moral: dont overact for every situation......... :EmoticonHysterical:
राहुल गांधी:आपके पास कितने किलोमीटर खेती की जमीन है।
किसानः जमीन एकड़ों में या बीघा में नापी जाती है।
राहुल गांधी: आपकी भैस कितने मीटर दूध देती हैं।
किसानः साहब मीटर में नहीं लीटर में नापते है।
राहुलः अच्छा बताओं एक लीटर दूध कितने का बिक जाता है।
किसानः बीस रूपये का।
राहुलः जब दूध इतना सस्ता है तो फिर पेट्रोल क्यों नही बेचते ।
rahul gandhi - mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi
sonia gandhi - kyun beta ???????? ????????
rahul gandhi - har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
Sharma and Verma were discussing
Sharma----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"
Verma ----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."
PASS ho to-
Maa: Bhagwan ki kripa hai
Papa: Beta Kiska Hai
Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain !!
पंडित जी ने दुल्हन से कहा: 'अपना दायां हाथ वर के हाथों पर रख कर कहो - मैं आज से आपकी पत्नी हूं। मैं आपकी हर इच्छा पूरी करने का प्रयत्न करूंगी, आपकी हर आज्ञा मानूंगी, दुख-सुख में आपका साथ दूंगी...।'
दुल्हन बोली: 'पंडित जी, क्या मैं आपको इतनी बेवकूफ नजर आती हूं?'
एक दिन सोनिया गांधी के सपने में महात्मा गांधीजी आकर बोले,"मैने मरते समय कॉंग्रेस को सादगी, ईमानदारी, टोपी, चश्मा और डंडा दिया था, कहॉं है वो?"
सोनिया ने अत्यंत विनम्रता से कहा,"टोपी तो राहुल लोगोंको पहना रहा है. सादगी मेरे और प्रियंका के पास है. चश्मा मनमोहन के पास है. ईमानदारी स्विस और ईटली के बैंक में सेफ है और डंडा आम आदमी की सेवा में लगा रखा है |
Once Kapil Sibbal, Digvijay Singh & Chidambaram were travelling in a helicopter,
Sibbal drops a 100 Rs Note & says, ..."I made one poor Indian happy"
Singh drops two 50 Rs Notes and says, "I made two poor Indians happy!"
Chiddu drops 100 ONE Rupee coins and says,"I made 100 poor indians happy!"
Hearing this the PILOT laughs & says-"I will drop down All 3 of you and make '125 CRORE Indians' Forever Happy...!"
संता टीचर बन गया, उसने एग्जाम के लिए प्रश्नपत्र बनाया। पेपर देखते ही सारे बच्चे बेहोश हो गए। प्रश्न थे-
(1) चाइना किस देश में है।
(2) 15 अगस्त किस डेट को आता है।
(3) ग्रीन रंग किस कलर का होता है।
(4) टमाटर को हिंदी में क्या बोलते हैं।
(5) और मुमताज की कब्र में कौन दफन है?
Teacher to Boy :
Kal absent kyon the tum ??
Boy : Ma'am, aap ke kehne par,
main
"The Dirty Picture" dekhne gaya
tha .. ....
Teacher : Kya ??
... Maine aisa kab kaha tumse???
Boy : Ma'am, aap hi ne toh kaha
tha na
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ki
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"VIDYA" me man lagao...
A Girl in a book shop..
Girl: Do u have the book named"Girls are very Intelligent"?
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Salesman:"The comedy section is on the Left side...
एक डॉक्टर के क्लिनिक के बाहर मरीजों की भीड लगी थी!
जब कोई आदमी आगे जाता, उसे लोग पकड के पीछे खींच लेते, एक आदमी कई बार आगे जाने की कोशिश किया पर उसे भी लोगों ने पीछे खींच लिया!
5-6 बार पीछे खींचे जाने के बाद वो आदमी चिल्लाया...
सालों...लगे रहो लाईन में.....मै भी आज क्लिनिक नहीं खोलूँगा!
Teacher: 5 marks la kar b tum has rahe ho..
Student: ye soch kar has raha hu ki ye 5 mark b kaise aaye..!
Baap Ne Apne Bete Ki Talashi Li,
Jaib Se , Cigrette, Gutka, Katrina
Kaif Ki Tasaweer Aur Girls K
Numbers Baramad Hoye
Baap Ne Bete Ko Buhat Mara Aor
Ghuse Me Cheekha:
"Kab Se Kar Rahay Ho Ye Sab
Kuch?
Beta Rotay Hoye: "Baba Main Ne
To Ap Ki Jacket Pehni Hui Hai..! :EmoticonCool:
Marwadi on his death bed
Marwadi : ‘My dear wife, are you here?’
Wife : ‘Yes my dear, I am right here besides you’
Marwadi : ‘My dear Son Rinku, are you here?’
R?nku : ‘Yes papa, I am right here besides you’
Marwadi : ‘My dear daughter Pinky, are you here?’
Pinky : ‘Yes papa, I am right here besides you’
Marwadi : ‘My dear Brother Suraj Bhai, are you here?’
Suraj : ‘Yes Bhaiya, I am right here besides you’
Marwadi : ‘If everyone is here, then who the hell is at the shop?’