1) Two friends meet.
'Friend 1'asks the other guy: How's your wife
'Friend 2' : Great. I gave her a white pearl necklace. Ans she hasn't spoke to me for a month
Friend 1: What. Why is that so?
Friend 2: That was the part of the deal...

2)Theorem: 3=4
Proof:
Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

3) Once I came upon this pretty new girl in our office standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face.
I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work ?"
I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder.
She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions ?"
She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?"

4) Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don't have enuff time to do all their work.

5) Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"