Jokes

[CONFUSED]

Jim´s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."
"Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn´t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." the agent replied.
Julie, after a pause, said, "Well, in that case, I´d like to cancel the policy on my husband."

[Imran]

First line to write in exams:
“All the answers written below are imaginary and work of my creative mind.
Any resemblance to text book is unintentional and purely accidental”

[Imran]

An old man was invited by an old friend.
He was impressed by his buddy using Honey, Darling, Love etc. for his wife.
Before leaving he asked to his friend:
It’s sweet.
After 70 years u still call ur wife with such cute names.
The old man replied (whispering):
Her name had slipped off my mind 10 years ago & I am very scared to ask what it is.

[Lethal]

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!

[Naresh]

Kalmadi: Where is SHERA
Shiela Dixit: I sent him to Zoo.

Kalmadi: Why
Shiela Dixit: He was injured by your False Ceiling.

Kalmadi: Kabaddi Kabaddi Kabaddi
Shiela Dixit: Kabaddi Kabaddi Kabaddi

[Imran]

Child Sent to Bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

[VarunD]

Smartest thing Santa ever did,
He changed all his passwords to 'incorrect'
So whenever he forgets, the computer will remind him,
Your password is 'incorrect'.

[Vivek]

डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- तुम इस दुनिया में अब सिर्फ दो घंटे के मेहमान हो। क्या तुम मरने से पहले किसी को देखना चाहते हो?
मरीज (डॉक्टर से)- जी हां।
डॉक्टर- किसे?
मरीज- एक अच्छे डॉक्टर को।.....

[Minal]

In a factory A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly. CEO of that factory came and asked his salary. Man replied 5000 sir...... CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him "I pay people here to work and not to waste time. This is ur 3 months salary. Now get out of here. Never come back". That guy left. Then CEO asked workers "who was that guy?" workers replied "courier boy sir...........

" Moral: dont overact for every situation.........

[Rajeev S]

राहुल गांधी:आपके पास कितने किलोमीटर खेती की जमीन है।
किसानः जमीन एकड़ों में या बीघा में नापी जाती है।
राहुल गांधी: आपकी भैस कितने मीटर दूध देती हैं।
किसानः साहब मीटर में नहीं लीटर में नापते है।
राहुलः अच्छा बताओं एक लीटर दूध कितने का बिक जाता है।
किसानः बीस रूपये का।
राहुलः जब दूध इतना सस्ता है तो फिर पेट्रोल क्यों नही बेचते ।