One Liner....

[Contractor]

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...

[>take]

Stock market is a place where Bulls take the stairs and Bears just jump off the window...

[Expert]

the bulls make money,
the bears make money and in between
the pigs get slaughtered...